The day I received my first management title, I felt a strange mix of pride and panic. I had been a strong individual performer, the person everyone came to for answers. I thought leadership would be a natural extension of that. I believed my job was to continue being the best at the work, just with a team to help me.

I could not have been more wrong. My first year as a leader was a masterclass in failure. I worked harder than ever before, yet my team was disengaged and our results were mediocre. I was confusing activity with progress and my own competence with effective leadership. It took several painful lessons to understand that my new job was not about having the best answers, but about building a team that could find them without me.

Mistake One: Trying to Be the Star Player

My instinct as a new manager was to solve every problem myself. When a team member got stuck, I would jump in and fix it for them. When a deadline was approaching, I would stay late and finish the work myself. I thought I was being helpful and demonstrating a strong work ethic. In reality, I was creating a bottleneck and robbing my team of learning opportunities.

I remember a critical project where one person’s part was not up to standard. Instead of coaching them through the revisions, I simply rewrote it myself overnight. I thought I had saved the day. The project was a success, but my team member was visibly demoralized. I had sent a clear message: I did not trust them to do the work. My success came at the cost of their growth and confidence.

The lesson was profound. A leader’s job is not to be the star player. It is to be the coach. My role had shifted from doing the work to developing the people who do the work. Success was no longer about my individual output, but about the collective capability of my team.

Mistake Two: Fearing Difficult Conversations

I wanted my team to like me. I saw myself as a supportive, friendly leader, and I equated that with avoiding conflict at all costs. If someone was underperforming, I would either ignore it or deliver feedback so soft and vague that it was useless. I was terrified of hurting someone’s feelings or creating an uncomfortable situation.

This fear led to a slow erosion of trust and standards. The high performers on my team grew frustrated because they saw a lack of accountability. The underperformer never improved because they were never given a clear understanding of what needed to change. My desire to be kind was actually creating a toxic and confusing environment.

I learned that clear communication is the foundation of kindness. Avoiding a difficult conversation is not a kind act; it is a selfish one. It prioritizes your own comfort over another person’s potential for growth. Real leadership means having the courage to deliver direct, compassionate feedback, even when it is hard.

Mistake Three: Acting Like I Had All the Answers

With the title of “manager” came an immense pressure to be the ultimate expert. I felt that if I admitted I did not know something, I would lose credibility. In meetings, if someone asked a question I could not answer, I would offer a vague, noncommittal response instead of simply saying “I don’t know.”

This behavior was driven by insecurity, and it had the opposite effect I intended. My team could see right through it. My attempts to appear all knowing actually made me seem less trustworthy. It also shut down curiosity and psychological safety. If the boss pretended to know everything, who would feel safe enough to ask questions or admit they were struggling?

The turning point was when I finally said those three simple words in a team meeting: “I don’t know.” The room did not fall silent. No one lost respect for me. Instead, the team started brainstorming solutions together. I realized that vulnerability is not a weakness in a leader. It is an invitation for the team to step up and contribute.

These mistakes were humbling, but they were also the building blocks of my leadership philosophy today. I learned that managing people is not about control, but about empowerment. It is about trusting your team, communicating with clarity, and being comfortable with not having all the answers.

If you are just starting your own leadership journey, remember that you will make mistakes. The goal is not to be a perfect leader from day one, but to be a learning one. What is the most valuable lesson you have learned from a mistake in your career?